Posted by Sober Chick on Friday, April 4 2008 at 9:42 am
This will be short cuz I fractured my wrist snowboarding and so can type using 1 hand. Good thing is that I was sober when this happened unlike last year @ this time when I fractured my foot. Yup I had some pretty insane moments in those crutches, going in the supermarket to get my Rum . . . being restricted with the use of crutches . . . a plastic bag to hold my bottles . . . cling, cling, cling the Rum bottles said as they clashed into the crutch as I ventured down the isle. I dare not look anyone in the eye for fear of how they would look at me. I had to do what I had to do to maintain my disease, alcohol was my higher power then. Thank you HP that I don’t have to live that way anymore.
The wonderful gift (one of several) is that I get to share those experiences that were so humiliating at the time with others in recovery and laugh about them. Not only can another alcoholic relate but there is that relief of “oh my goodness I am not the only one” that helps the shame and guilt be lifted. I know you all experience this in the rooms of AA. Laughter is a wonderful medicine for emotional pain.
We went to Mammoth with some of our friends in the program and some non-program peeps last weekend. Despite my injury it was so fun. What joy to be with others and create new experiences in sobriety. I fear people yet have this desire to be with you. AA is teaching me how to be a part of, to be of service and mix with you.
I made it to my 6 months a few weeks ago. It is so different this time. Instead of being a visitor of AA as I view myself the first 21 months of my first attempt at sobriety, I am an active member of AA. I am “in” AA.
It feels beautiful to breath again . . .
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Monday, February 25 2008 at 4:59 pm
Well we discovered that one of our female guinea pigs turned out to be a boy. We immediately got him neutered but the damage was already done. Last week Mitch & I became grandparents :) and Punkin had an uneventful birthing process. We call them “A” “B” & “C”. My sponsor will be taking 2 of them and we will keep one. I am so excited about that! They are sooooo cute and make my heart flutter. Take a look:
http://web.mac.com/christinaruelas/iWeb/
Recently I got to witness something HUGE in AA, the passing of an outstanding member of AA and the reaction of those whose souls have been impacted by this person. I attended a memorial with my sponsor yesterday and it was amazing to hear how HUGE this person’s world was and the mark he has left. This person had 2 sure things, a Faith and Trust in his God. His wife, suiting up and showing up and getting through this with the AA family. This is a result of the power of the group and their spiritual insurance. It is something so huge, intimate and profound.
I GET to be a part of this thing called life. I am being carried, taught and loved by those such as yourself. I am like a butterfly in a cocoon that has been trying so desperately to break free, to be able to fly free. This cocoon is all I have known and is a comfort. It keeps me to itself and does not allow me to grow. But wait there is a way. This fellowship is helping me to break through this cocoon. It is such a new experience. Many of you were once trapped but you broke free . . . I can too.
2dAAy i am grAAteful:
- Sponsor, grand-sponsor and great grand-sponsor
- KG Babies and baby events
- The Pacific Group & the Yard
- My AA commitments and consistent meeting agenda
- That a little willingness goes a long way
- Alexis celebrated 3 years yesterday, so grateful to have her in my life!
- “D” is back after almost losing her life to this Dz. I pray that you keep on this path no matter how bumpy it gets!
- 2B speaking on a panel 2nite at PRC
- Step work from the Big Book
- So much laughter experienced each night before bed with Mitch
- Be feeling a little more comfortable in my skin
- Set aside prayer
- Old Timers, I am amazed that you walked into these rooms many years ago and discovered what I am barely tapping into now
- Humility
154 days sober. It feels so different than the first time. I rode that pink cloud back then. Today that is not so. That’s ok with me cuz God says so!
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Sunday, January 27 2008 at 5:28 pm
125 days sober! I accepted that I cannot blog as much as I use to. I wake up @ 4:45 am, fed my animals, get ready, go to work, come home, prep for the next day, then dedicate the evening to my recovery (meetings, commitments, service to other sober sisters, phone calls, prayer, BB reading . . . ). Lots of work but I believe I am developing the foundation needed for my sobriety and spiritual connection to God.
Mitch and I extended our family! We adopted 2 guinea pigs, Recees and Punkin (Punkin is black and in the background, if you look close you can see her eye). They were born on the day of my last drunk, September 23rd, 2007. I built them a 2 story condo in our guest bedroom. They, along with our other animals, help me meditate and sit in quietness.
I have so much to write but want to keep it simple. I am still a butterfly in a cocoon, fighting that layer to break out so I can spread my wings and fly free. At times this growth is so uncomfortable, but I am facing the right way and that is what truly matters.
I am so grAAteful for:
- Pacific Group
- Sponsor, Big Book work, sponsor and grandsponsor suggestions and her unconditional love
- women of the KG-babies
- Already existing and New sober trudging sisters
- That my World has expanded so much within the short amount of time I have re-entered the rooms of AA
- Magical healing of Laughter
- Growing Pains
- Seeing my counselor “A” this morning after the Women’s Stag Meeting
- California showers
- Mitch, a wonderful man, my soul mate, my Mr. Incredible
- Olive, Asia, Boo, Budda, Nic & our 2 new babies Recees and Punkin’
- The presence of God in my life
Thank you sober members of AA for proving to me that this works, for giving me hope and embracing my soul during my darkest days.
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Friday, December 21 2007 at 9:38 am
Hola Family!
Sorry I have not been blogging. I am still trudging . . .
When I first got sober in 2005 I did very little to maintain my sobriety. It felt so good to be sober, and I was riding what they say in the fellowship “a pink cloud.” Bad things stopped happening to me as a result of not drinking. I grew comfortable; complacent. I would soon realize that my emotions had no memory of the pain and despair and complete state of hopelessness I experienced as a real alcoholic. My disease took me hostage.
This time it is so different. I have to work even harder to keep my sobriety. I have a new sense of honesty today and am willing to show my vulnerability and announce my fears. Even more precious, I am taking action to work on my fears. It is difficult, and many times I am uncomfortable when doing what is suggested. In my heart I know it is right and growth is scary. I don’t have to do this alone.
I am amazed at how large my world has grown since I begun this new chapter. It was only just over 3 months ago I lived in isolation, and all I had room for was me AND MY DISEASE. Today I am opening up the channels to my God. How my soul craves this to simply exist.
Gots 2 shout out some grAAtitude:
- 87 Days SOBER!!!
- That my God is so much bigger that this disease
- The Pacific Group & spiritual giants
- Lunch plans with my sponsor and grand sponsor tomorrow
- Casa ladies and the counselors that offer their service to these women
- Christmas time, Charlie Brown cartoons and Christmas music
- Wonderful job and company to work for
- Boot Camp party tonight . . . BTW do you like the Santa video? I was turned onto this by Big Sky mAAck who is probably doing lots of service work right now.
- You bloggers that offer you ESH so others who are at the grip of this disease can seek some hope
- Mitch and our family of furballs
- My mom, aunt Ona, brother, Jen, Trish
- Normie friends and their unconditional love
MUAH! I will catch up with you all this weekend, I finally have some time off!
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Monday, November 26 2007 at 10:27 am
The delusion of self . . .
I am unable to post and visit your blogs lately:( After work my time is dedicated towards recovery. By doing such I am able to experience some freedom from self and not falling ill to the obsession to drink — just for today. I just finished listening to my great grand sponsor “K” telling her ES&H via iTunes sober podcasting. She is flippin amazing! If you have a moment take some time and listen to her speak. You will laugh, maybe cry, and feel so inspired by her message.
“K” via XA Speakers
or
“K” via iTunes Sobercasting
Went to a meeting in Arizona Saturday. My head that morning was trying to navigate my actions by creating illusional expectations of the meeting = fear based. I prayed and asked for God’s guidence and help to get me there. My heart and gut told my head different. I walked in and saw a bunch of old men. I said hello and was greeted back. Once they started talking I knew I was home and I was safe . . . those fears in my head became tamed. The meeting was wonderful and I was spiritually lifted.
In a few weeks I am going to a retreat that is composed of “K”’s babies, grand babies and great grand babies. I am excited and nervous. I know it will be just what my soul needs. My sponsor and I are to begin step work soon. It seems like every time I speak with her or she leaves a message on my phone I am given more things to do for my recovery agenda. I do what I am told because I do not want to go back to the Hell I was living. I asked her to sponsor me for a reason, I need this guidance .I try to remain humble and teachable. I have a long way to go with lots of wreckage to address but I am in the loving arms of AA.
AA is proof enough that God exist. God exist through you and how grateful I am for that.
2dAAy i am grAAteful:
- 63 days sober
- this LIFE SAVING entity called Alcoholics Anonymous
- Re-building a relationship with my HP
- A beautiful support network that is ubiquitous!
- My Crayola box of emotions that make me whole
I heard this last night . . . “Fear eliminates Action, Action eliminates Fear.”
Category: Recovery
